I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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