Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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