he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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