drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
