i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
