He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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