the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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