i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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