guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
