is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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