I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Farmville is her only friend.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
