The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
