shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
