i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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