If that was your dad, he is hot
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
