Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
