I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina is officially offended.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
