I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
