She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
