you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
