I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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