I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
