Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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