I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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