i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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