here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
