We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
