if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
