M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
are you so shy because you have an std?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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