he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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