I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
