That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
