My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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