The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize