i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
