One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
