Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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