Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
