I like to think it a success when the cops are called
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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