i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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