I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
