My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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