i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
