I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
