I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
