"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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