my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
