i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
