just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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