my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
