How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
