Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
