the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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