need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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