Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
