I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
