I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
