The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
