I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
