"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
