The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
