i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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