ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
