If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
