Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
