So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
