Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
