I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
