The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
