I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
