We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
