The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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